Am I a Weaker Vessel?
This blog is necessary to my mental health and I must say, I need to stop myself from writing a treatise on the evangelical church and its view towards women. I will just stick to the "issue" for as long as I can, although this is so multi-layered for me.
My Mom and I got into an argument the other night about women being "weaker" vessels. She complained because at 58, she is having to work more than ever (my parents are getting divorced and she has to go from being at home to working almost full time), and that she was really tired. I expressed empathy for her, because I DO know it is a tough transition and physically she is older, etc... but I also said to her that a lot of men are still working at that age, and full time. She replied, "Yes, but women are the weaker vessels." When I asked her to explain what she meant, she said that it is a Biblical concept that God made women with weaker "constitutions" and that they are "weaker". I told her that of course I realized most men could beat me in an arm-wrestling competition, but that physical strength may be the only way that men are consistently "stronger" than women. She then proceeded to tell me that she has heard it "preached" on many times and she went and looked up the verse (I Peter 3:7) and told me to make an appointment with a pastor out here and that he would explain to me that that is what the verse meant.
If I could describe her condescension in a more tangible way, I would be doing so now, but when I again replied to her that I believed God made both men and women in His image, and that though they may possess different tendencies and be drawn to different roles, that there was no "weaker" vessel between the two. The conversation got me really fired up. I was laying in bed unable to sleep as I realized why the issue had stirred up so much within me.
My Mom is the typical example of the evangelical Christian who lives in a completely black and white world. I do believe in black and white on some issues (it is probably NEVER a good idea to cheat on one's spouse, for example), but I always TRY to approach life with an open heart and mind to what God has to teach me or what others show me through their lives, stories, and wisdom. I realize that my views on many things may be wrong, but the fact that Jesus loves me and I love Him is most definitely right. It angers me how the evangelical church uses the Bible to try to justify everything from how children should be raised (Is Growing Kids God's Way really His way? If I don't follow it, am I then growing my kids Satan's way?), to how people should date (correct me if I am wrong, but nowhere in the Bible does it say that a potential date should call the girl's father before asking her to Starbucks--especially if she is 35, Bill Gothard), to "traditional" roles within the home, to even eating certain foods. My Mom's quickness to say that something is "Biblical" is evidence of her training that one cannot refute anything "Biblical". Evangelicals throw out that word like it is the trump card, the supremely irrefutable piece of evidence that something is truth and if I don't believe it to be truth, then I am clearly living as a backslidden sinner.
She told me that I was wrong because I was falsely interpreting the Bible. How, then, is it that she is correctly interpreting it? It seems to me that much of what we all believe is filtered through our own eyes of interpretation. The evangelical church, or at least my mother, believes that everything in Scripture is black and white, and for me to see anything else but those clear parameters makes me spiritually lukewarm. My Mom's world would be shattered if she were to ever step outside her safety box of her brand of Christianity and view it from a different perspective. My Mom has attended some of the churches I have called home these past few years. She views them all as entirely "New Age-y" and not filled with people willing to speak the truth of God. Yet, I believe the truth of God is found in broken people, surrounded my candles or homemade artwork, trying to grapple with what we are called to do as people who have chosen to follow a man who left some very confusing words for us. Growing up, I heard that God was a God of "consequences" and that we all reap what we sow in life. There is some truth in that, surely, but I never heard God was a God of love, grace, infinite mercy, and complete safety. If I did, it was quickly caveated with judgment, brimstone, and a re-telling of Sodom and Gomorrah, in case I had forgotten and thought God had actually spared the city.
I want my children to hear the message I now hear: that God is a rescuer, a lover, a saver, and a friend. Throughout the Bible, He rescued far more than He ever destroyed. He loved adulterers, prostitutes, murderers, thieves, and the self-righteous. He saved children, the lost, the poor, and the "least of these". He was a friend to men, women, animals, and his family.
Most of all, He is a friend to me and I do not think He cares if my mother thinks I am a weaker vessel.
2 Comments:
Honey, you are so dead on here. Sadly, in the churches where your mom and the like go they don't hear about Deborah the warrior priestess who led a whole crop of men into battle and was lauded for her wisdom or Priscilla, who TAUGHT Paul how to be a Christian. As for Peter, he was actually being unbelievably radical by even addressing his words to women who he considered so VERY equal that he made sure they were allowed to hear the Gospel applied to them as though they mattered rather than preaching only to their husbands and telling the men how to treat their women and other property. He even believed that a woman could influence her husband's faith by the way she lived, which is why Peter told the women to behave themselves. The idea that a woman was even worthy of faith, much less that she could have an impact on a man, was Peter's way of letting women know that they were NOT weaker, but rather equally responsible for living lives of faithfulness. So there.--carla
I could write a book, hon...but I think you're dead-on here. I like think that that verse was written with a wink towards the women of the congregation- like, "humor me here, ladies- it's amazing what these guys need to believe, isn't it?"
There is a certain comfort in believing that you hold the "biblical" view on things, that your take has God's special seal of approval. I know that at times since I stepped out of the Evangelical box, I've wished to have that safety back. Toeing the party line, believing what you're told...it's much easier than thinking, wondering, and most of all, doubting. I try not to hold it against my mother-in-law, in particular, because it's the only way she knows of being...but I still want to shake her sometimes.
As for Ezzo, he's a whole 'nother book by himself (the "Growing Kids God's Way" guy, that is- apparently it is now called "Along the Infant Way"). Dobson thinks their methods are too rigid! Multnomah publishing dropped him for medical and character concerns! Wake up, everyone!
Of course, this is from someone who is raising her kids Satan's (that would be Dr. Sears') way. I've gone to La Leche League meetings and everything. Yup, I'm definitely headed for hell, dragging my kids behind me.
To end this on a little more "up" note, though- read I Peter 3:7 from The Message:
"The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God's grace, you're equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don't run aground."
Ahhhh :) (PS- apologies for the length here. It's kind of obvious that I need to blog myself, huh?)
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