Warning: Blog being used for personal venting
I had a very difficult conversation this morning--with Eli's biological father. Eli does not read this blog, so I feel like I can share some of the thoughts that went through my head, minus the expletives.
Basically, Dan is going to be adopting Eli. Eli uses the last name Stratford, but his legal name is my maiden name. So, we want to really make it all "official" and forego the $300 a month I get in child support (which isn't even enough for one grocery trip to Whole Foods :)
Mind you, this person hasn't seen Eli since he was 1 1/2 and Eli has no idea who he is. So, I asked him the question, "Do you plan on having any contact with Eli in the near future?" and his response is a real winner...in a John Malchovich (sp?) voice...
"I don't believe in two households".
"What do you mean?"
"Well, it isn't fair to my own kids to deal with that and I don't believe that kids should go back and forth with all that inconvenience".
Like it wasn't an inconvenience for me have a baby a week after I turned 18. I think it is sad that kids have to go back and forth too, you idiot, but how does it make sense to choose NEVER seeing your child than to see him occasionally and get to have a relationship with him?!
There are loaded issues here of control and many other variables and it is God's infinite grace that this person is NOT involved in our lives, but when I think about my precious precious Eli and that this person has chosen to abandon a relationship with him for these pathetic reasons, my mother instinct kicks in and my heart swells and I want to hold my son and tell him that he is good and wonderful and perfect. In short, that he is my fructajania and my woodgaganochte.
Of course Eli will know nothing of the conversation today, but I will give him an extra big hug after school just for myself in gratitude of each day I have been given with him, my 10 years of motherhood.
3 Comments:
So sad for him. I hope that biology never rises to any level of importance for him. That he has a mother who loves him dearly enough to give him such a wonderful nickname, and that he has a father who loves him in his very own home; that, I hope is what makes a difference in his life. For all children who are adopted, it seems no less important. Biology might only have meaning if we let it. But what seems most important is when someone lives in the love of a covenent relationship, and thank God Eli has that.
you don't hear this often enough, but I think you are an amazing mother and that fact that you have raised Eli on your own (no matter what your mother says!) is a HUGE testament to how fantastic you are and what a beautiful foundation of love and acceptance you have given him. He will probably deal with his biological father in some way somewhere down the road, but he will be able to do so knowing he is deeply loved and cared for by you and Dan.
Eli is a lucky, lucky kid to have a mom who loves him so much. And to have a dad (Dan) who does, too. Give him a hug for those of us in MN who love him, please.
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